She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Randomize
