make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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