good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
