does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
