omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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