I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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