I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
