my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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