Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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