he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
As shirtless as possible
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
