8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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