some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
