Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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