someone get that fucking seahorse.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
