i think my mom watched the whole time
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
