Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
