gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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