Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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