So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
