it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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