I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
