question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize