If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
