i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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