my mouth tastes like poor choices
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
