honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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