My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
