i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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