omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
