Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
