Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
