Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
