do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
