You smell like a Billy Joel song
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
