You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
