Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
