Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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