I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
