I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
