You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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