Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
