So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
