yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
