I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
