Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My ass is underappreciated
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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