At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
