To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
