dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
