We won't sleep together?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
