Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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