3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
