i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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