I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
