That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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