True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
