I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
