So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
