I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
